Abandoned

I remember holding your hand when our love was true
But with time the distance between us grew.
Shrugging my hand, from me, you withdrew
Now, alone I stand, being abandoned by you.

I still yearn the warmth of your embrace
& my heart still beats to see your divine face.
Yet abandoned, here I stand in a dark place
While in your heart, my place, someone else shall replace.

You’ll illuminate his life like you illuminated mine
& in his dark sky, like the graceful moon, you’ll shine.
Although this gives me shivers down my spine
Abandoned by you, with time, I’ll be fine.

As my burning tears, make my eyes blind
Consider this as a parting gift, from my troubled mind,
I hope towards you, your lover would be kind
For true love is rare & hard to find.

On this boulevard of shattered memories, we now part away
Burying the unspoken words, that we didn’t get to say.
Abandoned on this tormenting night, I go my separate way
Knowing that after every dark night, comes a glorious day.

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Note: There are times when you have so much to share but none has the time to listen to you. It’s always a painful experience emotionally when you love someone with all your heart, but they are the ones who ultimately ignore you. At this juncture of life, you feel emotionally abandoned. There is this old saying “If you love someone let them free if they come back to you then they are yours, in case they don’t then they never were yours.”, in addition to that, I feel if someone abandons you when you need them if someone reduces you to an after-thought..let them go out of your life & if they don’t come to you, perhaps then someone else might enter your life who values you unconditionally.

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Your Expectations (Collab with Ana)


I stand under the wrath of the dark sky
It rains, as the angels in heaven cry.
Regrets rattle my brain with a depressing lullaby
While under your expectations, I begin to die.

Burdened by my own imperfections & limitations
I killed my dreams for your expectations.
I smothered my desires for your aspirations
Yet you bless me with hateful allegations.

Now life is a nightmare that haunts me again
Pressure increases in the dreary chambers of my brain.
My helpless heart palpitates with a pulsating pain
& this inescapable madness drives me insane.

Your expectations drown my soul in a dark zone
Sadness sears & decays my every bone.
My body transforms into a motionless stone
Numb to my core I feel insecure & alone.

Your expectations victimize me with your hate
I suffocate in the fury of my fate.
Yet your expectations reduce my existence to a mistake
But above my pain, I shall now elevate.

For as long as the mystic moon blissfully beams
As long as the shining sun glitters & gleams.
I won’t fall for any of your deceiving schemes
& now your expectations won’t kill any of my dreams.

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Note: In life, it’s important to say a roaring YES to challenges & at the same time it’s equally important to gather the courage & honesty to say NO when it’s required. Sometimes people have high expectations from us & despite our good intentions & the goodness of our hearts, we fall short of the expectations of our loved ones. Unable to meet the expectations as an act of desperation some of us sacrifice various aspects of our lives to live up to others expectations. I know it can be an emotionally painful experience to be trapped at such a helpless juncture, but please don’t sacrifice your any aspect of your life trying to meet someone else’s expectations. It’s better to be a flawed dreamer than a slave to someone else’s parasitic expectations.
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I had the privilege to collaborate with Ana for this poem, please do visit her blog. She truly is a magician with her words >>> https://alicyana.wordpress.com/

Dear Readers/ Followers

Dear Readers/ Followers,

Recently I got a wonderful compliment from one of my followers when she said that I have a unique way of making the words bleed with emotions, she could relate with my bleeding words & that’s something she loved about my writing style.

That generous compliment made me smile, as deep down I thought to myself that it’s me who bleeds through my words. I started this blog when I was at my lowest. There are people who look up to me with high hopes & I knew I couldn’t break, I knew I couldn’t let their high hopes break…. It was also at this depressing juncture when I came to terms with the fact that crying is a luxury that will always elude me.

This blog served as a secret self-therapy for me, as it enabled me to talk about the various nightmares that plagued my depressed brain, but you guys (all my followers & readers) took out your precious time to read the stuff I wrote & also blessed my blog with your unconditional love. With time as my blog was illuminated with your love, this silent therapy of mine turned into a way of touching the lives of others around me. The darkness that once terrified me now is a form of pleasure because you dazzle my darkness with your glorious smiles. It’s because of you all that bleeding through my words seems worthwhile.

Trapped in the various aspects of life, I know I’m rather inconsistent with my blog but just wanted to take out time to express my gratitude towards my every follower and reader. Thank you so much for your beautiful love and support, it certainly continues to provide a new meaning to my existence.

Note: When life presented me with a 100 reasons to cry, my readers & followers gave me a 1000 reasons to smile, so this post is specially dedicated to everyone who took out time to go through my posts. Words can’t express how grateful I am to you. ❤ 

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Painful Memories

Fading on the night’s sorrowful shattered shore
Alone, the dreary depths of darkness I explore.
Ravaged by my demons like never before
I feel numb, as my existence, you cruelly ignore.

In blackness as my loving heart decays
I reminiscently recall our glorious days.
When our hearts used to unite in mystic ways
& when we were wrapped in love’s radiant rays.

Those memories now decimate my weary brain
& sadness slithers in my every vein.
I stroll life’s torture-tainted turns with pain
I know scars on my soul shall eternally remain.

Gathering my spirit, that you had brutally broken
Breathing your gifted pain, that’s a tormenting token
“You devil!” say I, “leave my agony unbroken,
May you burn in the lies, your soul had spoken!”

“Take all your illusionary love out of my heart,
From your sinful soul now I wish to part!”
“Drinking your diabolical deeds, may you rot in the dark
Erasing your painful memories, I now depart..”

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Note: There are times when some people say that they are there for you, but in the need of the hour the same people turn their back on you. It’s at this agonizing juncture when on an emotional level you feel abandoned & the past memories haunt you with a sense of pain. So this poem aims to express the fact that as the wheel of life carelessly rolls on, like seasons people too change with time. We mustn’t let those painful memories of the past paralyze us in any way, because I personally feel it’s better to be a lone wolf than to be surrounded by such fake people.

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Quote: Our Blessings

Note: Sometimes we tend to take our various blessings of life for granted to such an extent that we only end up crying in darkness once we are deprived of them. Please value the people who love you unconditionally, for they are the true definition of blessings in your life. Like a blessing, you might not see them often, but deep down you know that they’ll be there for you in your darkest hour. Hence please don’t take anyone’s affection, respect or compassion towards you for granted as it might be too late to attain it again once their gone from your life..

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A Letter To Future Self

Dear Future Self,

Blinded by reminiscent visions of the past glittering in my eyes today, my pen bleeds the following thoughts for you.

There’ll be days when you’ll get shivers looking into the mirror, knowing that life savagely awaits to decimate your dreams. At various junctures of your existence, amidst the pandemonium & madness, you’ll feel as if you are fading into blackness. Some people will turn their back on as you try to reach out to them & some peoples’ lives will be mercilessly taken away from you. There will be moments when you want to cry but you can’t because in the darkest hour you are someone’s ray of hope. Trapped in the various dimensions of life, carrying your demons, you might aimlessly walk in the depths of darkness with your wounded soul.

Dear future self, please remember that life in itself is a delightful dream so never cry over your broken dreams, instead continue to dream big & work accordingly with a hopeful heart. If you ever feel as if you are fading into blackness, if you ever feel as if you are lost in the crowd; then secretly with a smile do your bit to touch the lives of people around you, without them even knowing about it while you quietly fade away. Possess a desire to have a heart that blooms like a rose, a heart whose grace & fragrance captivates others till the day it stops beating.

Remember the way you felt when people turned their back on you, never forget the painful separations so that you can unflinchingly extend a helping hand to any troubled soul around you. In life while you wear your crown of thorns don’t moan about your deprivation from the luxury of crying, instead please understand that you are blessed with the gift of creating smiles for others. Lastly, learn to dance with your demons so that you can decorate your darkness in such a way that your inner light shines through & causes pleasure to others. It’s okay if none is around to wipe your silent tears, you should still aim to spread smiles for others.

Yours Truly,
Present Self

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Note: A few days ago as I grew a year older, I reflected on my life & my past. Surely I can’t change my past now but by summarizing & introspecting it I felt that I could learn a lot from it & hopefully  cancreate a better future for myself. Based on my understanding of my past, I thought of expressing my feelings in the form of this post. I hope this post can touch your life or make you smile in some way as well.

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The King

There was a king about whom the angels tell
Whose charismatic personality used to cast a spell.
With his kindness the King made many hearts swell
His aura made even the god smile as well.

But the King neither sat on a golden throne
Nor did he have a grand castle of his own.
His crown of thorns agonized his every bone
Yet with a smile, he battled his demons alone.

King’s life was grim, depressing & dark
Yet his grace flowed, like symphonies of a lark.
He wasn’t a kingdom conquering monarch
Instead, he constructed his kingdom in others’ hearts.

The King didn’t have any wealth whatsoever
But crafting smiles gave him pleasure.
For he saw others’ smiles as his divine treasure
& his selflessness grew beyond any measure.

Spreading smiles as the King became weak & old
Sensing his end, to others’ he told.
“A King’s might isn’t measured by his gold,
It’s realized by the kindness, his heart can hold”.

The king smiled while being greeted by death
While others looked on with grief & respect.
He blissfully blessed others in every aspect
He created smiles while taking his last breath.

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Note: A true king’s true wealth is not the grand castles or the priceless treasures that he owns but instead it is the respect that he earns in the eyes of others around him. A king’s grace isn’t in his shiny throne or in his golden crown, instead it vests in the kindness & compassion that he possesses in his heart for others. When I was kid I thought such larger than life kings exist only in fairytales, but tonight as I reminiscently think about my dad I realize that my dad was a king in his own respect. This poem is dedicated to my late dad, who even though didn’t live a long life, but still lived his life king size. Happy Birthday Dad ❤ 

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Quote: My Love’s Light

 

Note: As I like to believe none dies as a virgin, be it in the form of toxic relationships of the past, the very deprivation of affection or the sacrifices /fights involved in a bond etc. In general, Love does screw us all in some way or the other. Yet like a divine deity we glorify & worship love, as we aspire to attain it. While Love can crucify our souls in a million way, it can also have an immeasurable sense of healing power. Thus it is important that we aim to heal the sorrowful scars of troubled souls around us with our unconditional love & compassion rather than agonize them in any way.

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Your Toxic Love (Collab with Ana)

As the melancholic moon began to blatantly shine
In a goblet, you presented your venomous wine.
My mind sensed this as a hazardous sign
But your cruel command, my helpless heart couldn’t decline.

From your heart’s darkest valley, you plucked a rose
Whose poisonous petals blossomed under your shadows.
That darkest, that deadliest rose for me you chose
As you know your wicked wish I wouldn’t oppose.

Pouring in the poison you pretended to be kind
& you decimated the resistance of my mind.
Drowning in your poisonous love I became blind
To your diabolical deeds my innocent soul I aligned.

You grinned playing a violent tune on your violin
While your love’s torturous toxicity I took in.
My heart pulsated as my veins burnt within
Worshipping you, I consumed all your sin.

I bled on the edge of life & death
As I surrendered my soul to you in every aspect.
With a hope that you remember me with respect
I blew you a kiss with my last breath.

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Note: Love is blind & is always accompanied by a bit of madness. The thing that fascinates me the most about love is the fact that sometimes for a person who in love the elements of his/her existence revolve around the one who in turn take their breath away. In this poem, I had the  great pleasure of collaborating with Ana. Please do check out her blog Alicyana.wordpress.com I’m sure that she’ll mesmerize you with her words. 

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Quote: A Woman’s Heart

Note: Women truly are God’s most graceful creations. In the darkest phase of my life, be it as a family member, mentor, colleague or friend; females became angels of mercy for me. With their unconditional love, immeasurable support and incorruptible understanding they truly elevated my life condition beyond my imagination. Words can’t express the kind of gratitude I have for females in general. I know I can never repay or reciprocate the majestic magnitude of the generosity that females blessed my life with, so I just bow down my head in respect to the mystic beauty of females. Happy women’s day! ❤

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He Bled For You

You were like a moth, to his heart’s flame
He warned, he blazed, as he tried to explain.
Yet knowing the consequences, you willingly came
& together you both burnt in each other’s pain.

While others thought his rhymes were absurd
Still his sad symphonies you patiently heard.
You felt he beautifully bled with every word
Becoming his morphine, you made his nightmares blurred.

Reciting his bleeding words, he saw you smile
& you made his bleeding seem worthwhile.
He wrote poems with his blood, for your smile
Bleeding in the darkness he walked a long mile.

Now, he bleeds beyond anyone’s visual capacity
& here, even you see him as your calamity.
His deep scars aren’t symbols of his insanity
But his sacrifices, for your smile’s immortality.

About your calamity, you may never a have clue
& about the sufferings that he went through.
If only you knew, if only you knew
Smiling subliminally, he bled just for you.

 

Note: “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” – Ernest Hemmingway.  I couldn’t have agreed more with this quote, I personally perceive writing as an outlet to express the inexpressible feelings that plague our existence every now & then.  That’s what bleeding in this poem is all about. It’s the raw intensity of those words that can give a thrill to the readers or at the same time they may get you branded as a cynical psychopath. I sincerely hope that my words do not disturb or cause any pain to anyone in any way. If they do, then I sincerly apologize. I just aim to bleed through my poetry in order to express & maybe connect with people who might be going through/ might have gone through some tough times emotionally. 

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Your Memories (Collab with Ana)

Under the gloomy clouds’ teary rain
While loneliness corrupts my weary brain.
Though things between us aren’t the same
Yet your memories impale my heart again.

You tossed our love in the trash bin
& strangled it with your selfish sin.
Now I burn helplessly underneath my skin
Endlessly I die a new death every day within.

I’m deprived of the pleasure of emotional peace
As my soul bleeds due to your love’s disease.
Shedding my burning bitter tears alone I grieve
I submit to your venomous memories.

Thinking about the things we didn’t get to say
I close my eyes on this dark depressing day.
Forgive me, my soul now begins to sway
With my existence, your memories too fade away.

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Note: Memories… they truly are intriguingly enigmatic, aren’t they? We may be mortals & the various bonds that we share may come to an end at some point in time, but the memories of those bonds & those moments are immortal. This poem deals with the painful aspect of the eternal nature of memories & how bitterly they can disturb a person. I had the great fortune to collaborate with Ana on this special post. Please do check out her blog Alicyana.wordpress.com I’m sure that she’ll mesmerize you with her words. 

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A Survivor’s Rhyme (Collab with Sam)

Against a cold corner, I weakly recline
Amidst darkness, I reminiscently recall old times.
Like the days, when our love was divine
& those moments, when I thought you were mine.

Under the glittering stars, my heart weeps
Tears trickle down burning my cheeks.
Floor laden with promises you didn’t keep
Silence surrounds the noise I try to shriek.

Like a nightmare, that burns my brain
Scars, on my soul, shall eternally remain.
My heart bleeds with a pulsating pain
For you, in my life are a satanic stain.

I’m bruised and numb under the screaming stars
& my dignity is imprisoned behind corroded bars.
Your diabolical deeds stabbed innocent love of ours
Leaving me locked up and decimated with scars.

For years, I adorned your shackles of hate
But now breaking your sinful shackles I shall liberate.
Respecting myself I shall smile, I shall celebrate
Out from your torturous shadow, my soul shall elevate.

Fireflies will decorate my gloomy, ghastly sky
Healing wounds & bruises with stardust dye.
Away from your torments, my dreams will fly
Carving bliss of solitude in my crystal eye.

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Note: Sometimes we do feel entrapped in a toxic relationship of sorts, that smothers the very essence of our individuality & happiness. It’s a painful experience when you love someone & they return the favor by acting like predators who relish every opportunity of feasting on your pride & self-respect as if you are their helpless prey. Through the medium of this poem, I just urge my readers to value & respect their own dignity rather than get manipulated in the name of love. None owns you, you well & truly are complete in your own self. ❤

In this poem, I had the privilege of collaborating with a magnificently gifted creative writer Sameera. Please do visit her blog > /https://msameera.wordpress.com/ , I’m sure you’ll enjoy the brilliance of her writings. 

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Quote: Rose of Compassion

Note: As our realm gets intoxicated with the poison of hate I personally feel that the mystic boundaries that divide hell & our realm are nothing but mere illusions. It is at this juncture that we must not let the sin of greed, envy & jealousy corrupt our souls, instead amidst this hellacious transformation we must be willing to grow a rose of compassion in our hearts so that if at all we are unable to smile ourselves, then we can atleast wipe the tears of someone else. 

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Christmas Lights

Once upon a dreamy fairytale night
When people celebrated Christmas with delight.
The town twinkled brightly with Christmas lights
Alone a boy admired the lights amidst his plight.

On Christmas lights, he didn’t have money to spend
So darkness became his fiendish friend.
Like a symbol of despair, that had no end
With his incorruptible darkness, he had to contend.

While the Christmas lights blazed up with grace
The boy was trapped in his sorrow’s evil embrace.
Tears of helplessness trickled down his face
As happiness from his heart was completely erased.

Amidst the darkness’ tormenting roar
He gazed & gazed from door to door.
As Christmas lights dazzled the night’s mystic shore
A sense of deprivation from his soul did outpour.

Dodging his depression’s sinful spears
Growing up in darkness over the years.
The boy changed into a man, wiping his tears
With time he conquered his traumatic fears.

His house on Christmas still remains dark
But his Christmas lights now shine in his heart.
To connect with the deprived now his soul embarks
With his luminous heart, from his house, he departs.

His heart represents Christmas lights in their prime
He attends to others going through tough times.
Deep into the darkness he walks a thousand miles
& wiping tears, he gifts the deprived, many smiles.

miracles

 

Note: Today being Christmas I see fancy Christmas lights all around me. These Christmas lights that are otherwise symbolic of good times & happiness, can also be perceived as an entity that reminds some people of the deprivation of various luxuries in their lives. Personally I feel that on Christmas it is important to light up the lives of the people who are otherwise plagued with that sense of deprivation, so according to me it doesn’t matter how fancy the Christmas lights outside on my balcony might be, what truly matters to me is whether  or not I have the inner light of compassion within me that can turn someone’s tears into a smile of hope. I sincerely hope that this Christmas may you & your family get the gift of eternal bliss & joy. Merry Christmas everyone! Let your inner light be a source of someone’s happiness this Christmas. ❤

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Quote: Great Sacrifices

 

 

Note: Sacrifice is the purest and the most selfless acts of love because it justifies the fact that the person values someone else’s smile more than his/her pain. Hence value & appreciate the sacrifice a person makes to see you smile, as the respective person might have secretly cried a million tears just to create that one magical moment to see you smile. 

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Love: An Enchanting Dream (Collab With Sarah)

I dream about you, so wildly well
While on me, you cast your enchanting spell.
In me, your radiant spirit begins to dwell
& thoughts about you, make my heart swell.

The weary sun, gets overpowered by your eyes
Submitting to your grace, the teary moon cries.
The envious stars, flame up the black skies
Dreaming about you, for me, their splendor dies.

Nothing compares to the beauty you hold inside
I dream about you, for you are my pride.
But the distance between us, my heart cannot abide
As yearning your embrace, my desires get amplified.

Addicted to you, I dream day & night
Of our bond, that shall be blissfully bright.
Within me you breathe, someday we shall unite
& I’ll be enveloped in your love’s luminous light.

Till then treasure my love in your heart
Softly dream about me while sleeping in the dark.
Promise me, your passion for me will forever last
& our love will be a beautiful art.

Note: This poem is for those who glorify love, it’s also for those who have been victimized by love & it’s certainly for those dreamers like me who just believe in spreading love in whatever way they can. Love is a magical manifestation of emotions that binds & unites 2 souls into one so cherish it, spread it & dream about its blissful brilliance. In this poem I had the privilege to collaborate with Sarah, she’s a magnificent writer without her flawless ideas writing this poem wouldn’t have been possible. Do visit her blog, I’m sure you’ll love her blog >  https://neverendinglives.com/

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